Blog

CFL 23 | A Map to Your Every Changing Woman

 

The Couples Advise PodcastI think John Mayer said it best in his song “Daughters” when he describes women as
“Just like a maze where all of the walls are continually changing.”

Men, have you ever felt that way about your woman?

One week she’s happy, on top of the world, affectionate, maybe even horny….
you love that week, right men?

Then the next week she seems like a totally different woman.

She’s agitated. She seems angry. Shes NOT interested in sex, in fact you get the feeling that SOMETHING is repulsing her….You’re not sure what, but it can’t be you…. you haven’t changed.

Guess what, men…
It’s not you.

It’s her.

Well, it’s not actually HER….it’s the chemicals inside her body that completely alter how she thinks and feels and responds to life on a DAILY basis.

She actually  IS just like a maze, where all of the walls are continually changing.

Men, You try your best to be understanding, BUT

sometimes, it can be really hard on you, right?

Sometimes the fluctuating maze of emotions can be really hard on you too, right, Ladies?

Sometimes it takes a toll on your relationships.

Men, During those particularly sensitive times, when your relationship is suffering, or the distance you feel from your woman SUCKS….wouldn’t you give anything to own a magical map that could help you navigate the ever changing maze?

Want some Good news?

I’ve got one of those magical maps.

I’m gonna show it to you today on this podcast, AND I’m gonna teach you how to make your own map to the mysterious woman in your life.

By the end of this podcast, you will know when to initiate sex with your woman and get a guaranteed enthusiastic yes,
what days to schedule your business trips & get outta town, so you can avoid a nasty fight and preserve the peace in your relationship,
when to give your woman a get out of jail free card and send HER out for some time alone, & most importantly, you’ll know WHY your beautiful bride has such ever changing needs.

I will equip you with a tool for success that you will wish you had ALL along.

Now Ladies, I know you might think I’m preaching to the choir at times today, telling you things that YOU already know. Some of you, are older and wiser than me and could absolutely SCHOOL me on the NEXT phase of life and womanhood that I HAVEN’T entered yet, so my hope is that you’ll relate…you’ll feel understood and known….and you’ll share this with whomever it would provide something for…your daughter, your niece, maybe a friend…

This podcast falls into the category for me of “things I had to figure out on my own and I WISH somebody had told me, because that would’ve saved me a lot of time and energy!”

So if you listen and you learn something new about yourself, or a loved one in your life, please share this podcast with them. If you already knew ALL of this, or conversely, if it’s NEVER been this way for you, consider yourself one of the lucky ones and count your blessings, and have a little newfound empathy for your sisters that don’t have it quite so easy.

Okay, let’s get started.

—-
The biggest mystery that has ROCKED my world on SO many occasions that I can’t count, is what I call Day 23-Day 25.

First let me describe the problem.
Then I’ll tell you what causes it.
And after that, I’ll give you some solutions that are SO simple, anyone can use them, but so effective, you’ll wish you’d know this all your life.
I’m not gonna lie.
Some of you….this just won’t apply to, but for some of you, this podcast will dramatically alter your experience of life.

Ladies, Have you ever had some circumstance piss you off, but you waited a few days to say anything about it, ’cause you wanted to wait and see, “okay, am I “for real mad” or am I just ‘pms mad’?”

Then you got your period, and you had a total shift of emotions, and whatever made you flamin’ mad a few days ago, all of the sudden didn’t seem like such a big deal?

It’s a common occurrence for women to feel ‘off’, whether it’s sad or angry or frustrated or irritated & then a few days later get their period, and go, “OHH! THAT’s why I felt like crap last week!”

Well, day 23-25 is along those same lines, but different enough for me to mention it, because like I said I was suffering & what I learned changed my life.

For me day 23-day 25 of my cycle didn’t start being horrendous until after I had babies.

All I knew was that there were a few days each month where I turned into what I call “psycho hose beast”.

Now I’m normally a kind person…pretty even keeled emotionally, so when day 23 hit I felt like I was a prisoner trapped inside my own body, that was betraying me.

On those days, I felt EXTREMELY agitated by things that normally wouldn’t bother me….the sound of somebody chewing their food, harmless on any other time of the month, all of the sudden sounded like they were chewing into a microphone, smacking their lips and gums together as much as possible.

The sound of my children’s voices on those days, hadn’t changed from any other day, but on day 23-25, it just felt like their voices were louder and more annoying and always bickering, and it drove me nuts!

I was seriously agitated by almost ANY noise on those days, so if I was with a person that JuST  wouldn’t. stop. talking….
I found myself visualizing punching them in the face to get them to shut up!
Of course I never did punch anybody, but I was so extremely irritated, I definitely had the urge.

I dropped things a lot those days, especially f-bombs. I couldn’t keep a train of thought, so I’d pause more than normal while speaking, I became overwhelmed easily, especially if I’d try to cook.

It was predictable on day 23-25 that I’d say something bitchy or I’d give Chris a look that could kill, and just as I was least equipped to be myself and get to the peace place rationally, we’d be fighting!

It sucked!

I’ve had some girlfriends say that they know that they’re on day 23-25 of their cycle because their boobs are super painful, and they don’t want anybody to touch them for any reason…
Usually women avoid conflict, but not on 23-25…those are the days where it seems like women don’t have  a filter,  or ANY desire to spare anybody’s feelings, so if our husband gives us a look like they want to have sex, we scoff or look at him like it’s the dumbest idea ever.

All of that adds up to create a sucky experience for anybody that’s on the receiving end of psycho hose beast days.

Some cultures send women away during their period to go be in a tent until their period is over, but I think as a culture it would be far more valuable to send women away during day 23-25, which is like a week BEFORE her period.

So what is day 23-day 25 in a woman’s monthly cycle? Why is it SO bad?!

It’s the time of a woman’s monthly hormone cycle where the chemicals estrogen and progesterone are BOTTOMING OUT!

They’re at an all time low.

That may not sound like a big deal to you, but it feels very, very, very bad to the female brain that is used to being bathed in these chemicals that make it feel really good.
So when these chemicals evaporate, it’s like an addict going through extremely harsh withdrawal.

In Dr. LouAnne Brizendine’s book “The Female Brain”, she describes that discomfort, for the brain during that bottoming out of hormones, as being on the same intensity level as having a seizure.

Studies show that about 80% of women are only mildly affected by these hormone changes, so if you can’t relate to this intense agitation,  consider yourself lucky, but if you can and you’ve experienced being in the percentage that gets  extremely edgy and easily upset, now you know you’re not alone, you’re not a bitch, and there’s a chemical explanation for why this happens every month.

Today I’m going to tell you 3 things that help tremendously .

So let’s talk answers and solutions.

First things first.

Ladies, How many of you track your cycle?

Men, if I were you, I kid you not, I’d track my woman’s cycle.

That’s the only way that you’ll have a map to this mysterious maze where all of the walls are continually changing.

In this day and age, where there’s a free app for everything, the app that tracks my cycle, is the app that I use MOST to protect my family from psycho hose beast attacks.

So Ladies, if your cycle’s not regular, YOUR psycho hose beast days of complete estrogen and progesterone  withdrawal may NOT land on day 23-25, like mine do, so that’s why it’s important for you to track your cycle…so you’ll know.

I recommend an easy free app called free menstrual calendar. It let’s you daily track your moods, your food cravings, your period, your super fertile days, and anything else that’s important for you to be able to look back on and see if it’s cyclical.

If you don’t have apps, I highly recommend just getting a calendar that you track this information in.

It’s such a relief on a day where you feel crappy to just be able to look back a month and see, “Oh, I felt crappy LAST month on this day too…must be low estrogen day thing.”
And then sure enough, a few days later you think/feel totally differently.

If you haven’t tracked that thought or emotion from the previous month, that made you feel crappy, you don’t have a map to you!

Then you just feel miserable, and your natural reaction is to start investigating it with the wrong questions, “Why am I so unhappy? Why do I feel so depressed?”
And then your snarky bitch starts answering the questions with unhelpful answers that aren’t true like “you’re fat” or “you’re not doing enough” or something along those lines.

Then you spend years in counseling trying to get to the bottom of your sadness or anger or depression when really, it’s just a normal monthly chemical boost of progesterone that’s making you feel sad and will go away about two days after your period starts and your estrogen starts to rise again.

So men, if you’re still listening, I want you to have the cliff notes version of the chemical changes within your woman, so that you can win with her.

From the day her period starts, day ONE of her cycle, her estrogen rises.

Why that’s important to you is because estrogen is her happy chemical.
So as soon as any pain from her period is over, she will be her best self chemically for about two weeks.

Specifically, I’ve found, day 19-21 are your best times, men, to initiate sex and get an enthusiastic yes!
Why?
Because her chemical cocktail is at it’s peak. That makes her horny.

Remember this may land on a different specific day for your woman…it could be a little earlier, it could be a little later, and that’s why it’s so important for you to track, because it’s SO an opportunity that you don’t want to miss.

You like a guaranteed home run, right men?
Then this is important information.

Study her, take notes, & figure out what works for your woman on those days.

I call day 19-21 “taco night” because for me something that is predictable on those days are intense salt cravings that would make me want salty, cheesy, spicy foods.
So if Chris helped me by satisfying my craving, and made me tacos that night, I’d be ready and rarin’ to go!

So men, look for the patterns in your woman’s food cravings on certain days.

If you come home and find her with with a bag of her favorite chips AND a pint of her favorite ice cream…game on!

The next important date you want to know for your cliffs notes:

Find out what HER day 23-25 actually is. She may not have this problem, but
if she has a psycho hose beast time of the month, you both want to be clear when that is! It’s most likely in the fourth week of her cycle.
THAT would be incredibly valuable information to have.
Once you’ve tracked it for a couple months and you’ve pinpointed it, you both are aware of it, and then it no longer has such a negative effect on your relationship.  Men, it might be a really good idea to plan your business trips during her psycho hose beast days, if she has them.

I know some men might be thinking, I don’t just want to track her cycle, so I know when the psycho hose beast is coming and I can brace myself!
I want a solution!
Tell me how to kill the beast!

Here’s the secret you’ve been waiting for that will end the suffering of day 23-25 completely….

Its gonna sound too simple, but believe me, it works miracles…

It’s Advil.

4 Advil every 4 to six hours, will actually KILL the beast.

Remember that intense chemical withdrawal that’s happening to the brain on Day 23-25….it causes it to swell and throb and pound and ache…

If you take Advil on those days….regularly….you’ll kill the beast.

……..

Now I’m not a doctor and I’m not in any way trying to prescribe medicine to you all, but the experience for me was night and day.

I went from having 3 days of my month where I felt trapped inside my body that was malfunctioning and spewing out f-words far too often!

To having total peace during those three days as long as I stay on top of the Advil.

So tracking your cycle is your first key to success.
Advil on day 23-25 is the second solution to a very big problem.
The last solution that I’m going to give you today is I’m going to suggest another free app called the hormone horoscope.

Now even if you don’t believe in horoscopes or that kind of thing, I’d invite you to check THIS out because it’s shockingly accurate and will teach you a ton about what the changing chemicals in your body could be causing….things you wouldn’t expect.

It’s like having a best friend that knows which days to tell you to go take on the world and get stuff done and which days to give yourself permission to curl up on the couch and watch a chick flick and do nothing and NOT feel guilty about it.

I think because a woman’s needs are so ever changing, it’s hard for US to even keep up with what we need in a moment and then be okay with giving that to ourselves,
rather than feel guilty for not doing something else.

So any tools to make it easier, are completely worth it.

For those of you lucky women that don’t have as intense of a reaction to the stress of chemical changes right before your period, it’s because you have more serotonin
cells in your brain. Serotonin is a natural chemical that makes you feel happy and at ease.

If your listening today and you can relate to the intense mood swings that happen on a monthly basis, and you wish you could have more serotonin cells to make you feel happy and at ease, I recommend a product called Sam-E. It’s a natural serotonin boost supplement that you can buy at Costco for around $30/month and it will make a huge difference in your feeling happy and having peace of mind.

Men have you heard the saying, happy wife, happy life?

Well, it’s true.

I know this is not a common conversation to have, but I think it’s important, and I hope the tools I’ve provided today make a difference for you or someone in your life.

Btw I’m telling you all this now, so in 5-6 years when my daughter’s a teenager and begins to have a cycle, you all can remind me to track it, so I can have a map to the mystifying maze, where all of the walls are continually changing.

Download the MP3

Tags: , , , , , ,

2 Responses to “CFL 23 | A Map to Your Every Changing Woman”

  1. Mandy November 18, 2013 at 10:31 am #

    This is super interesting! I’m going to chart myself out and see how I feel on days 23-25 next month. I’m hoping that I’m in the 80%, and I wonder what sort of influence hormonal birth control has on these chemical reactions. Thank you for another wonderful episode, Jenny! This one is so simple, yet so helpful!

  2. Tamela December 27, 2013 at 6:57 pm #

    Very interesting! I will have to check out the vitamin supplement when I change birth control this next month. It will be interesting to chart how my body reacts to that.

    So thank you Jenny! You have open some things up for me. I will be listening to my body differently and be more in tune about how to care for my body…

Leave a Reply